Today’s tea: Starbucks’ customer service is inarguably superior, but at what fucking cost? Five whole dollars for your morning pick-me-up. As a finance major that doubles as a broke ass bitch, believe me and my March credit card balance when I tell you that shit adds up. En el otro mano, the same drink at Dunkin’ costs dollars less, and the 2-6PM Happy Hour deal and free lattes (for my T-Mobile bitches) only add to the savings. And yeah, I’ll be the first to admit that you might experience some (character-building) ‘tude at your local Dunkin’, but as long as you don’t ask for cream in your milk-based latte (You sick fuck…), you should be fine, and if you’re not, step your pussy up because that’s just showbiz, baby. If you don’t know what to order, for reference, most people like their coffee how your boyfriend is in bed — Vanilla! Simply put, the choice is clear. “But MA’AM, what if I simply PREFER Starbucks coffee blends and am willing to pay money I don’t have on tasteless piss?” Well sis, I can’t help you there, and only God can judge you, but please know you’re a walking, talking contribution to nationwide gentrification and the eventual demise of the transnational beverage industry, you selfish ingrate. My break is over, have a nice day, and remember that America runs on Dunkin’… and institutional racism!
Unsolicited Takes 